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Imaginary Associates: Who Has Them?

March 24, 2020
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Source: Jelleke Vanooteghem / Unsplash

You have to smile when your 3-year-old tells you that her fake friend is called HaHa. "Seriously!" Your mother laughs.

Since they have no brothers or sisters to play with, people often assume that only children like HaHa's creator have more imaginary friends than children with siblings. This myth, which was launched in 1896 by the psychologist G. Stanley Hall and was long exposed, continues.

Recently, Japanese researchers Yusuke Moriguchi and Naoya Todo found that children with imaginary companions are more likely to be firstborn. My brother, for example the firstborn in our family, had George. However, the firstborn finding, like the only child myth, seems questionable given the answers to my recent request to learn more about imaginary friends.

Caroline from the mountains, the imaginary friend of a 5-year-old, "came down from the mountains to play with my daughter in a neighbor's tree house across the street," recalls her mother. “Caroline from the mountains also played with her and her dolls at home. They had tea parties that lasted for hours with a lot of chatter. “This child, the youngest of eleven, had a lot of real playmates in the house.

Laurie Ann, the mother of four, says three of her children had imaginary companions. A daughter's imaginary friend had green skin and purple hair and her name was Goosella. Goosella would swing from chandeliers. "My daughter made people move because she said they were sitting on Goosella.

"My older son had an imaginary friend, a fly that he strangely called Fido," adds Laurie Ann. "Fido would speak to him and we had to be careful not to step on Fido. My other daughter had an imaginary dragon friend named Kiki. She asked us to provide a plate for Kiki. She also pushed Kiki into a stroller. I think Kiki was rainbow colored. "

A sign of growing imagination

Imagine friends, no matter what the birth order of their "owner", be it flies, kites or humans, are diverse and can alarm or even alarm parents ... especially if they don't understand why or when Fido or George, HaHa or Goosella arrived. They seem to appear out of nowhere. From around 2 1/2 to 3 years of age and up to around 7 or 8 years of age, you may notice that one or two imaginary companions appear. "My Anita had one. It was the cutest thing. His name was Diggy and she talked to him when she was between 2 and 4 years old. Then Diggy brought more friends. Alan and Janie came in. "

For children, pretend that friends are fun and offer hours of entertainment. Josh, now a teenager, reports that he had 18 supposed friends, all called Little Baby Josh, all four inches tall. “They were clones of mine, followed me everywhere, and loved to dance. I was their leader. "

According to Marjorie Taylor, a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon who wrote the final results on imaginary companions, about 65 percent of young children have them, and their arrival often coincides with children's imagination.

In an interview with Nursery World, Dr. Karen Majors, educational psychologist at the Institute of Education at University College London: "It is time to remove the feeling that these children are in the minority or have some kind of mental health problem." She points out that "so." pretend playing helps them use their imagination to explore things that are important to them or to help themselves feel better about something, all of which is good for their cognitive, emotional, and Social Development. "

Imaginary companions serve many purposes

Much of the research in recent decades has explained that fake friends help young children learn about their surroundings, get along with others, and solve problems. Fictional friends can help a child cope with a life change, such as moving house, having a sibling, divorcing, or making new friends. Imaginary friends are useful for dealing with uncomfortable situations, as a starting point for feelings that they cannot understand or cannot express, or as an excuse for bad or destructive behavior. Willa's son had an imaginary companion whom he called Oakick. "Every time my son didn't want to do anything or did something he shouldn't, he accused Oakick!"

Johnny Harrison's creator Ted, neither a firstborn nor an only child and now in his fifties, says Johnny Harrison was not very different from Oakick. “I blamed everything on Johnny Harrison, a rag doll. When my mother yelled at me, it was always Johnny's fault. I also slept with him. When I got older, he finally had to be put to rest. I am not sure where he went. "

The fake friends of children can be invisible, imaginative creations based on real people or associated with objects like soft toys, toys or dolls like Johnny Harrison. Elaborate explanations from fantasy friends may be disarming for parents, but they are generally a sign of growing and fruitful imagination. Lily, a 4-year-old and a first-born at the time, imagined an entire fictional family in Utah, her mother reports. “It was a family of five. I don't remember her names, but to be honest I kind of wondered if she was born again. If you had been sitting in a restaurant next to us, you would have thought she was adopted and the people of Utah were her real family. We live in Chicago. She kept talking about what each person in their fake family was doing. One of my husband's employees once sent her a huge gift box with the return address "Your Utah Family". My daughter was so convincing and how real and detailed she portrayed her. "

Lasting memories of fake friends

Although you may be surprised, baffled, or worried when your child asks you to slow down, wait for Phyllis to catch up, invite the twins for family vacation, or hear your son or daughter talk, or a "buddy." “Order An imaginary friend will likely be part of family history - to warm up and delight over decades, while Ted reminds us of his time with Johnny Harrison:“ The amusing thing is that my brother and sister raised him as years passed and we always had a good laugh. "

In retrospect, most parents see the humor and harmlessness of their children's supposed companions. Her 4-year-old urged Kirsten, his mother, from the back seat every time they got into the car, to buckle up in Bobby, who, for unknown reasons, was old enough to drive in the front seat. He didn't insist on eating for Bobby like my brother did for George, but he made sure Bobby was sitting next to him at the dining table. Bobby accompanied her son to sleep with friends when he was a few years older.

Kirsten tried to analyze Bobby: “Maybe my son was tired of two older sisters leading him around and wanted a brother, called him Bobby and made him part of the family. His sisters remember when Bobby started to die. They asked, "Where's Bobby?" And her son said matter-of-factly, "Bobby is just gone."

Sometimes siblings or friends share imaginary companions that survive to this day. The sisters Laura and Jackie had Miss Nancy when they were about 4 and 6 years old. As adults, her memories of Miss Nancy are sharp. Laura remembers her as a third character during her season: “Miss Nancy was a smart, cheeky working woman who spent a lot of time on the phone trying to get people around. Miss Nancy was a strong polyester seller, although I don't think we knew what polyester was different from what we got from TV commercials. Sometimes we put Windex or something in a spray bottle and thought it was polyester and washed the windows.

“Miss Nancy was my mother's anthesis, who was a mother who stayed at home and was very meek. In our imaginations, her husband, Mr. Nancy, was always in trouble, a fool and not like our father at all. Maybe we tried to find out something in our domestic life.

"I remember that Miss Nancy made calls and made decisions. She was an asshole. Maybe imaginary friends are who you want to be. I don't know, but she's still with us. She spoke with a clear accent in the Midwest, ”says Laura. "The funniest thing is that my sister and I talk to each other like this from time to time. When our children hear us, they roll their eyes and say," They are talking to Miss Nancy again. "

The breadth of children's creativity seems much more fascinating - and meaningful - than their position in the spectrum of birth order. Dr. Taylor, who has been studying children's imaginary friends for more than 30 years, said, "I am constantly entertained by what children can come up with."

Any imaginary friends in your house? Please share your or your children's stories in the comments section.

Copyright @ 2020 by Susan Newman

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