10 Causes You Ought to Undoubtedly NOT Homeschool

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Thinking of homeschooling? Don’t do it! This tongue-in-cheek homeschool humor article explains all the reasons why you should definitely not homeschool. (But you really should!)

Thinking of homeschooling? You probably shouldn’t. No, you definitely should not. It’s too late for me, but save yourselves!! Heed these 10 {funny} reasons you should definitely not homeschool.

{Since people on the internet tend to be rather testy, I probably shouldn’t wait too long to make it clear that this is another example of my quirky sense of homeschool humor. It’s humor, y’all. Smile. There’s more in life to be upset about than strangers on the Internet.}

1. You should not homeschool because homeschoolers are weird and unsocialized.

I mean, really. Didn’t you meet your neighbor’s aunt’s cousin’s nephew’s kids? They were homeschooled and so very weird.

Homeschoolers are sheltered and isolated. They definitely never get to meet other kids at places like co-op, homeschool group outings, or, you know, in their neighborhood. They certainly won’t learn to interact with people from different age groups or backgrounds.

Our family is tarnishing the image of homeschoolers everywhere given the things we do to ensure that our kids aren’t weird and unsocialized, but we’re probably just the exceptions to the rule. Or maybe we’re too weird to recognize our weirdness.

I mean, all of my kids currently have friends. Now that they’re all homeschool graduates, all three of them are still friends with people they’ve known from back when they were weird, unsocialized homeschoolers. Life-long friendships for homeschooled kids? Who knew?? And, they’ve made new friends. It’s madness!

2. Homeschooled teens won’t get to go to prom.

They are going to miss that rite of passage. They are going to miss the singular event which is the one night that is the sum total of their homeschool experience. And, you’re going to miss out on a chance to spend hundreds of dollars for your kid to go dancing for a couple of hours. 

Your kids can’t miss prom. Don’t homeschool!

Of course, if you wanted to, you could get together with other homeschooling families in your area and organize a homeschool prom like the support group in our area does. Then, your kids could homeschool and still spend hundreds of your dollars (or not). Just a thought.

{Whispering} All three of my kids went to at least two homeschool proms each. They had a blast getting dressed up and hanging out with their friends. Memories were made. Photos were taken. Rite of passage crisis was avoided. 

3. Homeschoolers sit around all day doing nothing.

Your kids obviously will sit around doing nothing all day. Nothing. Just video games, TV, and social media all day. Like a premature 30-something living in his parent’s basement.

Or, you know, you could be the parent/teacher and ensure that your kids balance their free time and schoolwork. If your kids are preteens, you could even start preparing them to successfully manage their time so they can manage the responsibility of setting their own schedules in high school and beyond.

4. Homeschoolers are pale and unhealthy from being in the basement all the time.

Because isn’t that what the rest of the world thinks that homeschooling parents do? Just lock the kids in the basement. All day. Doing nothing but watching TV and playing video games.

Okay, so my kids really are pale – like vampires – but it’s just their coloring. What can I say? Blue-eyed gingers, all of ‘em. My boy does sit in the basement playing video games, but it’s usually at night when his – gasp – friends are online.

I make sure we all go outside once a week whether we need to or not.

When we first started homeschooling, we had a great basement schoolroom/playroom. It worked for us because my husband worked third shift and I had two toddlers running around wreaking havoc while I tried to homeschool my seven-year-old. The basement was child-proofed and far enough from my husband that he could sleep.

However, as soon as he got off third shift, we moved our whole operation upstairs and our school space just melded into our living space. Sure, a lot of people don’t have bookshelves in their dining room, but that’s okay. Homeschooling just becomes part of your life, wherever your life happens to take you.

5. You should not homeschool because you’re not smart enough.

Don’t do it! Don’t homeschool. You’re probably not smart enough.

When I met with Brianna’s teachers just before we pulled her out of public school in 2002, one of them said, “Do you really think you can teach Brianna?”

I’m still not sure which of us she intended to insult, but I will say that by the end of our first homeschooling year, my homeschooled kid was reading well – something she hadn’t managed in two years of public school – because I taught her. We went back to basics, worked at her pace, and guess what? She got it!

If you really think you’re not smart enough to homeschool your kids, you might want to reconsider sending them into the same educational system that has you questioning your ability to teach your 2nd grader.

The average high school graduate who is willing to commit to helping his or her children learn is perfectly capable of homeschooling them.

6. Homeschooled kids aren’t ready for the real world.

Don’t homeschool your kids! They will not be prepared for the real world. They won’t get to experience mean teachers, mean kids, bullying, or any of those other things that get kids ready for life after high school.

Clearly, I’m not sheltering my kids enough. They’ve had experiences with mean teachers (some wild and crazy homeschoolers take classes outside their homes), mean kids (no, not their siblings, but I could count them), and a recent bullying experience that resulted in blocked phone numbers and social media accounts.

Rest easy, moms and dads. In today’s online world, bullies can find your homeschooled kids and get them up to speed on real-world stuff.

One really nice thing about homeschooling is that sometimes you can protect them from some of that garbage until they’re mentally and emotionally mature enough to see bullying and meanness for what it really is instead of taking it so personally or being mercilessly subjected to it day in and day out.

7. Homeschoolers are only able to get menial labor jobs.

Didn’t you know? All fast food employees are homeschoolers. That information is accurate as reported by a random stranger on Facebook who said that we need lots of homeschool grads because we need people to work at fast food places.

I read it on Facebook, so it must be true. 

I guess the homeschooled kids in my area are messing that up, too, because they seem greatly outnumbered by all the public and private school kids working at fast food places. I would think simple numbers would suggest that homeschooled kids would be in the minority in the workforce, but maybe that’s just because I’m not smart enough to understand math and statistics.

8. Homeschooled kids will never find anyone to date.

How will your kids ever find anyone to date if you homeschool?! I’m sure this is a big concern for those of you with kids in elementary school. You’ve got to start ‘em early.

Why this is such a huge concern is beyond me – especially when people are saying it to parents of elementary-age kids. 

Miraculously, my kids did manage to find people to date. Two of my three adult kids are even married. I guess I should have done a better job of locking them in the basement.

9. Homeschooled kids won’t learn how to interact with difficult people.

You should not homeschool because when people are mean to your kids, they won’t know what to do. They’ll just burst into tears and run away.

Did I mention that my kids have siblings? They also have me as a mom. They interact with difficult people 24/7, y’all. We’re failing on this one, too.

The fact is, difficult people are everywhere. They’re in the stores you shop at. They’re at the church and community events you attend. And, nearly all of them are on the roads driving. {grin}

You don’t have to interact with difficult people every single day in the confined spaces of a public school classroom where you should be able to focus on your education in order to learn to deal with difficult people 

And, the nice thing about homeschooling is that in a lot of situations, kids have loving adults to help them learn to navigate those experiences in more positive ways so that they really do learn to interact with – not just tolerate or put down – people of all sorts. 

10. You should not homeschool because you probably don’t have enough patience.

If you dare to homeschool, you’ll probably just wind up running screaming from your house all crazy-eyed with your hair sticking up all over the place one day. Nobody wants that. Don’t do it.

Again, fail. I would describe myself as having no patience, but I’ve managed to homeschool since 2002. So far, there have been no crazy-eyed escapes from the house (by the kids or me). Hmmm…weird.

Might I dare suggest that patience is a learned behavior that is strengthened by situations that make us exercise it?

Why Homeschool?

In all seriousness, I know there are people who found this article because they really were looking for someone to share all the horrors of homeschooling, but you’re not going to find that here. Yes, there are terrible instances where people abused or neglected their kids under the guise of homeschooling and I hate that. I hate that those kids had to endure that, but that’s not what true homeschooling is.

You should homeschool because homeschooling works.

Homeschooling lets you tailor your kids’ education to each one of them. If you’ve got a kid who grasps concepts quickly, homeschooling lets you give him the freedom to dig into the things that interest him instead of waiting for the rest of the class to catch up. If you’ve got a kid who needs to slow down a bit and learn in non-traditional ways, you can let him do that without feeling “stupid.”

You can let your squirmy learners squirm while they learn. Your hands-on learners can learn while they model, construct, and create. Your bookworms can read to their heart’s content.

And, a customized education is just one of many things that make homeschooling something you really should do.

Thinking of homeschooling? What fears are holding you back?

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Trish is one of the owners of Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers, Hip Homeschool Moms, Homeschool Road Trips and Only Passionate Curiosity. Trish is from the coast of North Carolina, but they now live in rural West Tennessee on a 40+ acre farm. She has been married to her best friend, David, for 23 years and they have three sons (ages 20, 18 and 16). She has been homeschooling since 2009 and her homeschool style leans towards a Montessori approach with a heavy emphasis on hands-on learning. Trish’s family is Messianic and they love studying the Scriptures and growing in their faith. In her spare time, Trish loves to travel, work in their garden, work puzzles, and play games with the family.

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